🥓 How to Become a True Torontonian

Being a citizen of Toronto likely isn’t a crucial part of your identity, and if that’s the case, you may want to reconsider your priorities. The word ‘Torontonian’ packs a larger punch than most would think, and aligning yourself with the characteristics of a true Torontonian could give you the quality that your personality desperately needs. By following only four steps, you can gain an inner connection to a metropolis known for its diversity, culture, and beautiful waterfront skyline – plus the status of a true Torontonian.

Step 1.

Become obsessed with weekend brunch, this is one of the easiest steps you’ll ever find in a ‘How-To” guide. Choose from the hundreds of quality brunch spots in the city and let the flavours of their savoury avocado toast possess you. A Torontonian craves a good Sunday brunch, and will wait hours for a table with friends to indulge in the city’s finest.

Step 2.

Always chase down those pesky TTC buses and pray that the driver will stop to let you on. Developing a steel-hard grit will ensure you’ll get on that bus no matter the situation, as dodging lamp posts and cars from all angles is a Torontonian’s specialty. After all, making the bus is a key moment that determines how your day will go.

Step 3.

Become adept at walking downtown without falling through the massive construction dips and potholes. Toronto may have terrible roads that are constantly neglected, but you can view this as an opportunity to develop a sixth sense unique to Torontonians. You know you’ve checked this box when you’re running down Front Street, shopping bag in one hand and lunch in the other, and somehow avoid the inevitable face plant onto the uneven sidewalk.

Step 4.

Lastly, persuade everyone that Toronto is better than New York because of Drake, among other less interesting things. A true Torontonian is extremely loyal and will defend their city at all costs. You might complain about the TTC, or slow construction, or long brunch lines, but nothing should be worse to you than a snobby New Yorker… even if you secretly admit that they’re right.

With those steps in mind, you’ll already be off to a great start, and will undoubtedly be a true Torontian in no time. Just remember - you’re not becoming a stereotypical Torontonian, you’re becoming a true Torontonian.

Image taken by Theo Boychev

This article is part of “The Bacon” - The Beacon’s April Fools’ edition. We hope you enjoyed!