🥓 Scammers And Frauds: The Joke Known as The SAC

Arushi Unny - “…he used a weather machine to make it snow on the day of the winter assembly.”

What happened to MCI’s beloved Student Administrative Council? From a delayed assembly to exasperated executive members, the SAC faced its fair share of challenges in the 2022/23 school year. How did they manage to survive? Who got them back on their feet? How did things turn out?

It almost seemed like the holiday assembly wasn’t going to happen; the odds were piling up against SAC. The concept of “Christmas in March” didn’t seem too festive, but don’t take it from me, take it from the SAC president himself, Liren Abeyratne. After hunting the school grounds for the SAC president, I finally saw Liren. He had a lot on his plate, and he seemed a little unnerved — the typical state of a man in charge of a lot, maybe too much. After being pestered into an interview about the holiday assembly, Liren had a statement ready to go. His statement went as follows:

“The SAC is sorry for the delayed assembly. The SAC and all other clubs were all looking forward to the assembly, but it was unfortunately postponed due to the snowstorm and we had zero control over that. The difficulty after the break was finding a timeline that was fine with all of the teachers and didn’t mess up exam season. Students stressed out over the assembly and didn’t want to lose class time, so the SAC found just before March Break to be the best time for the assembly, especially as it would match the holiday vibes.”

According to Liren’s statement, it sounded like the SAC had a lot of trouble with the scheduling of the assembly, and March 10th ended up being the most appropriate date. Sometimes nature wants the opposite of what we want, and that is a difficult obstacle to overcome. However, SAC managed to leap over that hurdle with grace, evoking holiday cheer in the student body even when the holiday season had gone.

Returning to the controversial topic of the “Holiday” Assembly, Arushi Unny, an SAC executive member, when asked for details about the delays, let the Beacon in on some juicy, gossip-worthy information. Unny stated that Abeyratne made it snow on the original date of the assembly. Clueless MCI students had no idea their beloved SAC President was also a vile, assembly-sabotaging monster, delaying the event and tarnishing the name of the SAC by creating a fake snowstorm in the area. His accomplice? A fake snow machine!

After some more digging, another SAC executive member, Armaan Thandi, came forward to add his two cents about the “Holiday” Assembly. Thandi, when asked for an interview, fearfully gulped, and scouted out the hallway, turning his head left and right, weary of a certain someone hearing his statement. His voice shaking, he quietly whispered to me, “Liren’s plan led SAC members to believe that we might not have an assembly at all because Liren is afraid of singing.” Many students, including me, can attest to this statement, as I, amongst many others, still have nightmares of Liren Abeyratne singing on Grade 8 Information Night. His terrible voice fuels my desire to sue.

The word got out that I was doing investigative work regarding the SAC, and I was approached by a grade 12 student named Owen Reid, who claimed he was a SAC executive member. Learning more of my investigative journalism regarding the SAC, Reid quickly exclaimed, “Liren is a power-hungry, egotistical, selfish president who [allegedly] launders funds from the SAC with the help of Muhammad Qadeer!”

It seems as though something fishy is happening behind closed doors in the SAC, with Abeyratne as the ringleader of it all. I conducted more interviews with Abeyratne’s co-executives to determine what they think of him as president of the SAC. In a separate interview with Armaan Thandi, conducted while he was giving out semi-formal tickets, he vented his frustration to me. “Liren asked me to help out with the ticket sales, and at the busiest time he wasn’t there, but now he comes in when all the hard work is done, taking all the credit.” stated Thandi, as sheer frustration coated his voice.

Unny was also outraged at Abeyratne, and upon hearing what Thandi had to say, he reached out to me over social media stating, “He [Liren] is awful at managing spreadsheets. We [the SAC] work tirelessly for days at a time to ensure the spreadsheet system is running smoothly, but Liren touches it and in 30 seconds he’s managed to confuse us all.” Armaan and all other SAC members deserve a standing ovation for their hard work in the SAC, but also for cleaning up after a man-child like Liren.

At the time of writing, the assembly has yet to come to fruition, yet the undeniable tension brewing within the SAC ranks has many wondering if the assembly will once again be postponed. The situation is unfortunate and completely unavoidable had Abeyratne not become corrupted by the power of being SAC President, and perhaps picked up a singing lesson or two. Yet the question that remains is, will the SAC president step up and fulfill his presidential duties, or will he fake yet another snowstorm?

This article is part of “The Bacon” - The Beacon’s April Fools’ edition. We hope you enjoyed!