🥓 Easter Preparations: MCI Teachers Edition

Bears, have you ever wondered what your favorite teacher does during Easter? Ponder not a millisecond longer as we’ve conducted top secret interviews, compiling a curated guide of early preparations for this year’s festivities by your favorite faces at MCI! This article was inspired by “CEOs Explain How They are Celebrating Black History Month” by the Onion.

Mr. Reardon: Our sources tell us he took up a part-time job as an Easter Bunny last year, but was unfortunately forced to resign since children were horrified upon seeing his immense frame in a bunny costume. We’re unsure of his plans this year.

Mr. Lee: This year he is organizing a dinner and egg hunt for his family. After paying for the groceries at his local Loblaws, he became engaged in a controversial conversation with the cashier. Our sources report that Mr. Lee remains stationed at the Loblaws, unable to walk away from the heated debate with the worker. His family, particularly his sister, is becoming increasingly concerned the event will never happen and the eggs will go to waste.

Mr. Parker: After registering his children for the Easter Egg hunt hosted by his local community center, he discovered the chocolate eggs contained preservatives, GMO cocoa, and were almost entirely white sugar. He immediately sued and, at the time of writing, the court had not yet come to a decision.

Mr. Sommerfelt: He reportedly took his daughter to Nordstrom to find an Easter outfit, when he discovered that they don’t sell button up plaid shirts and satchels for 4-year olds. He filed a complaint, further angered by the lack of punctuality by customer service. After reading their apology email, which included the incorrect use of “there” and “they’re”, Sommerfelt’s rage made him create a “customer service rubric” on which he graded the American luxury department store 40% and emailed it back to the company. On March 2nd, 2023, the company announced they were shutting down all 13 of their stores within Canada.

Mr. Farrow: He is currently preparing to host the annual ‘Teacher’s Egg-Spoon Race’, with the contestants having yet to be determined. He’s hoping this year will be an improvement from last year, as he was severely disappointed since the eggs were violently de-shelled by the Family Studies Department and transformed into deviled egg displays, forcing the race to be postponed.

Ms. Werhun: A little known fact about her is that she’s responsible for her neighborhood’s annual Easter egg hunt, optimizing the fun by calculating the success probability of each hiding spot. However, to really mark the 50th anniversary of the hunt, our sources have told us that eggs will be hidden in the most difficult places to maximize frustration and catastrophe. Ms. Werhun intends on graphing her success after the event.

Ms. Chang: “Easter???…fun???….celebrations???…absolutely not. I will be practicing, and you should be too.”

Image taken by Julia Wu

This article is part of “The Bacon” - The Beacon’s April Fools’ edition. We hope you enjoyed!