🥓 BREAKING NEWS: NEW VIRUS HAS BEEN DISCOVERED AND HAS INFECTED OVER 1,000,000 PEOPLE

The Coronavirus is rapidly spreading, with over 126 million cases and 2.76 million deaths. But that is not the virus we should be concerned about.

Four days ago, students at the University of Toronto found an unknown strain of virus in a young man’s bloodstream. He had been going on about the anime The Promised Neverland nonstop. He also had an extremely high fever, a sore throat, severe pain in his chest and a splitting headache. Two days later, he fell into a coma, after his sister had told him that his waifu was not real and passed away twelve hours later.

Ever since then, Canadian citizens started showing similar symptoms as the deceased man. From the research, medical scientists have gathered that this virus is caused by watching anime, reading manga and/or light novels, as well as playing anime styled video games. As a result, victims will gain a sudden obsession of Japanese pop culture. Due to this, researchers have decided to call this strain of virus “Animeitis”.

“My daughter has always found anime “geeky” and “childish”. Next thing I know, she is hooked on the Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure franchise. She has been binge watching it nonstop,” a tearful mother reports.

There have also been reports of individuals believing that anime is real or that they are in an anime. For instance, a woman in Vancouver has been trying to awaken her “Quirk” to no avail. She has also started cosplaying as characters from My Hero Academia.

This virus has already infected millions of people across Canada, as well as a few hundred cases in the States. Many provinces are now in lockdown, including Ontario, Quebec, Manitoba, British Columbia and Alberta. President Joe Biden is considering putting the entire U.S. in lockdown as well. Many world leaders have also put their countries in lockdown, as they are afraid their own citizens suffer Animeitis as well.

We still have little knowledge on Animeitis, but Ontario’s Ministry of Health’s President, Iain Stewart, has told us which symptoms to watch out for, as well as how to prevent the virus from spreading further.

“The usual symptoms of COVID-19; fatigue, fever, sore throat, diarrhea, headaches, and difficulty breathing are present. A sudden obsession with anime, and in worst cases, believing that it is nonfiction are the symptoms that differentiate Animeitis from the superior virus.” Stewart says. “As for precautions to take, don’t go outside unless you absolutely have to. If you do, wear a mask and avoid interacting with people. Since the virus can spread at a wide range compared to the coronavirus, stay at least twelve feet away from others instead of only seven. Wash your hands frequently and sanitize. Avoid touching your face, eyes, nose and mouth. And most importantly, do not come into contact with anything anime based.”

“And if your loved ones have been infected, do not, under any circumstances, tell them that anime is not real. This will cause them to either have a severe heart attack or stroke. All individuals who have been told this harsh reality have died shortly after,” he reports gravely. “Instead, have them self-isolate immediately. The recovery process is the exact same as COVID-19. If we work together, we can combat Animeitis.”

Animeitis is still being researched around the world and a vaccine is yet to be developed. One major question being asked is if it is possible for those infected with the virus to become sicker upon being further exposed to Japanese entertainment, including anime, JMMORPGS, manga, light novels and J-pop. But rest assured that once infected, cases will not worsen. All we can do now is pray that we can put an end to this before it gets out of hand.

This article is part of “The Bacon” - The Beacon’s April Fools’ edition. We hope you enjoyed!

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Quarantine can be quite boring, so here are some anime series for victims to stream while they recover.

Seraph Of The End

Genres: Action, Apocalyptic And Post Apocalyptic Fiction, Dark Fantasy, Drama, Military, Supernatural, Vampire

Summary: Set in 2012, the world allegedly comes to an end at the hands of a fatal virus, wiping out most of the human population and leaving only children under the age of thirteen untouched. It is at this time that vampires emerge from the shadows of the Earth and take the surviving children as their food source. Eight years later, a young teen named Yūichirō Hyakuya joins the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, an organization dedicated to exterminating vampires, to avenge the deaths of his orphaned family and reclaim his best friend, Mikaela Hyakuya, from the vampires.

Steins;Gate

Genres: Comedy, Drama, Psychological Thriller, Science Fiction, Thriller

Summary: The series follows Rintaro Okabe, a self proclaimed mad scientist who works with his roommates on a microwave that can transfer messages to the future. Without getting captured by an evil organization, SERN, the group of scientists must work together to stop SERN’s diabolical plans.

Tokyo Ghoul

Genres: Dark Fantasy, Drama, Horror, Mystery, Psychological Thriller, Supernatural, Thriller

Summary: A university student, Ken Kaneki, goes on a date with the girl of his dreams, Rize Kamishiro, only to discover that she is actually a ghoul, a man-eating being that lives off human flesh, who attempts to kill him. By some miracle, Rize dies before she can eat Kaneki, leaving him in critical condition. When he wakes up in the hospital, Kaneki discovers that the doctors saved his life by implementing Rize’s organs in his body, turning him into a half-ghoul. Horrified by this new reality, Kaneki is taken in by the owner and employees of Anteiku, a coffee shop run by ghouls, who teach Kaneki how to deal with his life as a newly turned ghoul.

Haikyuu!!

Genres: Comedy, Coming Of Age, Drama, High School, Sports,

Summary: Shouyou Hinata decides to revive his middle school’s volleyball team after being inspired by the volleyball legend known as “Little Giant”. This newly formed team makes it to the tournament, only to be brutally beaten by Tobio Kageyama, the so-called “King Of The Court”. Hinata vows to suppress Kageyama. After graduating from middle school, Hinata joins Karasuno High School’s volleyball team- only to realize Kageyama is one of his teammates. Due to his short height, Hinata struggles to find his role in the team, even with his incredible jumping height. However, he soon comes to realize that Kageyama has his own problems that only Hinata can help with. As the team spends time together, they learn they can only be successful if they work together.

Image Source: The Ryerson Anime Club by Student from https://why.ryerson.ca/the-ryerson-anime-club/