Hey Bears! Regardless of how long youâve been at MCI, youâve definitely noticed that our school lacks a significant thing: windows. We, at the Beacon, recently came across ancient MCI history books, and discovered the reason why our school doesnât have windows. We feel that it is our journalistic duty to share this information with you, so behold, the true story of why MCI does not have windows. Enjoy!
MCI was designed in the 1960s by a man known as the Great Baron of Martingrove, E.N. Closure. His family was of great wealth and status here in Etobicoke, yet the Baron was the last living member. Itâs important to mention that the Baronâs family had a bitter rivalry with the other resident affluent family, the Fenetres. The two families had been disagreeing for centuries, ever since their great grandfathers got into an argument about the true solution of 1+1. Their dispute resulted in a violent cheese bread fight, but then ended with a group of geese chasing them both away.
The Baron wanted to build a school in his familyâs name, to maintain their legacy. He had many lavish plans for the school: great big hallways, spacious lockers, adorned with beautiful school colours of green and white, and most importantly, lots of glorious windows. The Baron was just about to begin constructing this very school, when he received the list of students who would be enrolling. All was in order, until he saw one name at the very bottom of this list: Lisa Fenetre, the youngest member of the rival Fenetre family. She would be attending grade 9 at the Baronâs school. This sent the Baron into a fury, and due to his blind rage towards the Fenetres, he completely scrapped all his plans for the school. Most notably, he knew that the Fenetres loved natural light and looking outside, so he decided not to put any windows in any classrooms. They would only be in the stairwells and at the ends of the hallways. He wanted Lisaâs school experience to be miserable, and for her to spend countless hours in math class actually learning what 1+1 is, without distractions.
A few days later, Lisa Fenetreâs father, Charles, got word of the Baronâs punishing plans for Lisa and the school. He was outraged, and went to visit the Baronâs house on a street that was, at the time, called Summerton. The two had a long fight; one so brutal and cold that it caused a chill throughout the street. Finally, the Baron couldnât tolerate the verbal insults any longer. He went inside his house, and emerged minutes later with handfuls of Jerryâs hotdogs, which he began throwing at Mr. Fenetre.
âGet out of here, get off my property! Iâm going to build the most enclosed school in all of Etobicoke!â shouted the Baron.
And because of the sheer power of Jerryâs hotdogs, Mr. Fenetre was forced to concede, and return to his own home. The Baron, now unopposed, was free to proceed with his plans. He built his school of regular hallways, decorated with dull brown and orange school colors, and no windows. As desired, he named the school Martingrove, after his own familyâs title.
That year, Lisa Fenetre attended Martingrove in the fall. She, along with the rest of her family, was repulsed by the lack of windows within the classrooms. Lisa transferred to Richview three months into the school year. She went on to live a good life, but never did learn what 1+1 actually equalled. (do you know?!)
After the triumph of building his school, yet unable to truly punish the Fenetres, the Baron sadly died at the age of 81. He died due to excessive consumption of cheese bread, while surrounded by his collection of computers that never connect to the school wifi. The Martingrove legacy lives on through his school, and all those who attend it.
On that note, we end the fascinating story of why MCI doesnât have windows. We hope you learned something valuable through this story, and always remember the supremacy of Jerryâs hotdogs. Without them, our school may not have existed!
Image Credit: âWindowâ by Matti Mattila
This article is part of âThe Baconâ - The Beaconâs April Foolsâ edition. We hope you enjoyed!