On Thursday, April 27th, I interviewed Meir Straus, Toronto’s youngest candidate in the 2023 mayoral by-election. Straus is a grade twelve student from North York, and though his campaign is satirical, it shows that there are no constraints to what young people in this city can accomplish. During the interview, Straus was accompanied by his campaign managers, Talia Kirshblum and Boaz Shron. They were all on their spares, and so was I.
Note that this interview has been edited for length and clarity.
S: This afternoon I am joined by Meir Straus, Toronto’s youngest candidate in the 2023 mayoral by-election. Mr. Straus is a grade twelve student from North York, and he is most definitely a real man, and not three raccoons in a trench coat. Thank you for joining us, here in the secret room of the Martingrove Library, Mr. Straus. How’s it going?
M: It’s going great. Thank you for confirming that I am a real person, and not three raccoons in human clothing and wrapped up in plasticine. I am a real person, and there have been rumours, but they are false.
S: Of course. We do our best to report with the utmost journalistic integrity. First off, I must ask: how is senioritis treating you?
M: I don’t care. I want to get out of [school], and into City Hall.
S: Your platform lists popping all the balloons in the city as a way to combat inflation. What are the environmental implications of this? What about the moles of helium gas that will be released into our atmosphere and the pieces of rubber and plastic that will litter the streets of Toronto?
M: Yes, there are environmental implications, but it’s all in the interest of the economy. Because inflation has been rising year after year, Torontonians can’t keep up. So, we have to pop all the balloons in the city that are hovering outside our windows, constantly hovering into our living spaces. It’s the worst. We need to end inflation by popping all the balloons. When it comes to rubber on the streets and helium in the air, so be it.
S: On a scale of 1-10, how silly and goofy are your opponents, compared to you?
M: 11. I might be a clown, but at least I admit that I’m a clown.
S: Your platform states, “To reduce light pollution we will turn off the stars”; what about me? My mum tells me that I’m a star every day, and I’m sure yours does too.
M: You’re just going to have to be a necessary casualty. Light pollution in this city has become too much. People can barely see. And if you are a shining star, as your mom tells you, you are just going to have to be eliminated. It’s all in the best interest of the city.
S: What is your favourite Drake song?
M: My favourite Drake song is the one where he goes (unintelligible noises).
S: You heard it here first, folks. Meir Straus does not know the names of any Drake songs.
S: Rate Auston Matthews’ mustache out of 10.
M: I could do better. (sadly) Never mind, I can’t. I’m going to have to rate it (an obscene two-digit number) out of ten. He’s our hero.
S: Our school’s student council election campaigns are happening right now, just as the mayoral campaigns are happening. What advice do you have for our candidates?
M: Well, I haven’t won yet, emphasis on the yet. The advice I would give is to pander to grade nines and make lots of crude jokes.
S: Lastly, on a more serious note, young people’s voices are often dismissed by our society. When we try to express our thoughts and concerns, we are often told that “we don’t know what we’re talking about”, or that these issues don’t affect us. However, it is clear that these issues do affect us: namely, you mentioned the housing and mental health crises on CP24. What other issues should the youth of Toronto be aware of, and how do we make progress, if we’re too young to vote?
M: That’s a great question. When it comes to making progress on your own, the way you can really do it is to vote, if you’re over the age of 18 . Go to the polls and vote for a candidate who will actually solve these issues. Or, vote for me. When it comes to the issues themselves, affordability is one that’s going to affect us the most, especially if we want to live in Toronto our whole lives. Unless things drastically change, affordable housing is built, rent control is enforced, and more units are created by the city, we won’t be able to live here. There is a lot that the city can do to make sure the housing prices go down. Essentially, vote and keep an eye on the election. Keep an interest in it. Read articles, listen to your local politicians speak, network with them, and reach out for interviews for your school newspapers. Do what you can. Knock on doors, go to events.
Straus’ platform can be found on his website, meir4mayor.ca, or on his Twitter and Instagram, both at @meir4mayor.