As we start the new semester, I think it’s time to examine our priorities, starting with MCI’s own mascot, Marty the Bear. At best, the costume looks like a knock off of a Yogi bear specifically designed to scare children. At worst, it looks like someone skinned Freddy Fazbear from Five Nights at Freddies and called it a mascot. Mascots are not just beacons (get it?) for school spirit, but symbolize the school as a whole. Yet, even the school seems ashamed of Marty. When is the last time you remember them uncaging our favorite bear-shaped terror? I believe it to be the prime time to replace Marty and through intensive research, I have narrowed down the list to four lucky contestants. Admittedly, I have never competed in or attended any MCI sports matches, but I don’t see how this could be a problem.
Avatar’s Alien Race: Na’vi
I have noticed a time honored tradition of modeling sports team mascots after instantly recognizable figures from history, such an example being the Michael Power Trojans. Marty the Bear lacks the cultural relevance of historical figures that the Trojan mascot has. So, in search of this cultural relevance, I suggest we at Martingrove follow this tradition, but take it a step further by looking into the future. I say we harness undeniable cultural relevance and model our mascot off of the Na’vi, the alien race in the hit franchise Avatar.
Kiefer Sutherland
Many high schools have found success with having a cute and friendly looking mascot such as the Runnymede Raven. Marty is a good attempt to fit in with this trend. However, we need to stand out, we need to make our mark on the mascot world. How do we do that? We choose the cutest, friendliest animal Canada has to offer: famous actor and notable Martingrove alumni Kiefer Sutherland. He radiates friendliness and approachability in his roles as the bully in Stand By Me, the bloodthirsty killer in Freeway and as the literal bloodthirsty vampire in the Lost Boys. I’m sure that a felt effigy of him will certainly capture the cute innocence of his roles as the assassin in Desert Saints and as the assassin in Confession. If we capture a fraction of his gentle and non-intimidating aura, this mascot will definitely be one that students will want to introduce to their younger siblings.
The Existential Terror of Global Warming
Mascots are a great secret weapon in sports. Many teams like the Oakville Trafalgar Devil have chosen to take inspiration from frightening religious figures and incorporate them into their mascots. This is, of course, a great scare tactic… who wouldn’t be afraid of a team that bested a devil that paraded around their enemies, forcing it to dance to Today’s Top 40 before games? Martingrove will most definitely see an influx of successful home-games if we harness the frightening power of mascots by choosing to instill a deep fear in the heart of every sports team we play against in the future. What could do this better than existential terror about the future promised by global warming? How will we portray the concept of global warming? Well, that’s out of my department! However, I hope the costume will reference Doug Ford getting rid of the carbon tax in Ontario.
Marty Again
As I came up with ideas and reviewed mascots, I came to an epiphany. I realized why we have mascots in the first place. It isn’t about having the cutest or most memorable or scariest mascot. It’s about having a connection with the school. Marty may be a little worse for wear and I’m not sure if I have ever seen him actually “in the felt” before but, he doesn’t need to appear all the time for his presence to be felt. He is in the BAC’s yearly “bear crawl”, he is in the sign above the tech hallway that says ‘Home of the Bears’, but, most importantly, he is in every Martingrove student’s heart.